Musings of one who helps others learn, and in the process, learns himself. AKA turning on light bulbs. Explores his transition from software engineer, to professor, to illuminator of the world.
During the middle of the courses I teach, I have an assignment wherein I ask the learners (via a few prompts) to reflect on how they are doing in the course, and to consider what they need to do to accomplish their goals for the course by the end of the semester.
The last prompt I provide in this assignment asks the learner if they have any questions for me. Seldom do I receive any serious questions as a result of that prompt. When I do, they are usually fairly simple and straightforward to answer.
However, occasionally I receive a question that causes me to reflect a bit before I am able to respond with (what I hope will be) a helpful answer. I received one of those questions last fall, and decided to provide it and my response here for others to reflect on it as well, in the hopes that someone else may find it helpful. What follows is a transcription of the email I sent to the learner, along with their response.
My email response
I really appreciate the thoughtful reflections you shared in your Mid-semester self-assessment report. At the end of it, you wrote:
My only question is if there was at any point in your career where you felt like you've hit a roadblock in CS; and if so, how did you overcome it? After my first year as a CS student in college, I felt like I hit a roadblock after feeling so behind compared to everyone else and I struggled to overcome this. I understand CS is an ever changing field with platforms and new advancements always being added so it is important to always hone your skills while remaining proactive and positive. Regarding this, I know at some point again in my CS career as a student finishing my last two years in undergrad with a plan to attend grad school, I know I will eventually hit another roadblock to overcome some obstacle. I was wondering if you have any advice about overcoming these “roadblocks,” if you've hit one during or had a similar challenge throughout your CS career thus far?
To which I’ll respond with a resounding YES! I’ve hit roadblocks and experienced imposter phenomenon many times.
Thinking back to when I was an undergrad learning CS is a few too many decades for me to precisely remember my experiences, but I’m sure I had roadblocks and doubted myself then. After graduating, I landed a job as a programmer for a company here in Muncie. I was with that company for nearly 30 years—until they didn't need me anymore. I’ve written about that experience in a blog post that you may enjoy reading. Here’s another blog post that tracks my journey from HS to now, as well. (I’ll not continue to link to other blog posts, but if you have time and interest, there may be others you’ll find interesting to read.)
For the last 17 years, I’ve either been in grad school (2.5 years) or teaching here at BSU. I certainly questioned myself as a 50 year old going back to college as a grad student. How was a 50-something going to keep up and be accepted by the other 20-something learners? But I persisted, and discovered it was very doable, and people were very welcoming. I’m now in my 15th year teaching full time at Ball State University. Especially during the first decade of teaching—but still now—I experienced doubts about being “qualified” to teach. Do I know enough? Am I providing the best learning environment for the learners? Am I being understanding of their needs and challenges?
These questions all led me to focus my research on education and learning, more so than on CS research. But even with better understanding of ways of teaching and learning, I continue to explore what I might be able to do to be a better teacher. Those thoughts of “am I enough” and “am I delivering enough” always haunt me.
I think, to a large extent, people who doubt themselves are the ones who take time to reflect on their lives and what they are accomplishing. People who have no doubts about themselves likely are not doing much (any?) reflection. I’ve found that growth mostly comes to those who are seeking growth—those who reflect on their current experience and consider how they’d like it to change.
So, I see the fact that you are doubting yourself as a good thing—you’re wanting to grow! Keep doing that.
I’ll be glad to talk more, if you’re ever interested in doing so. I also want to thank you for posing your questions. It’s forced me to take a step back and reflect a bit.
The learner's response
(Included with the learner's permission.)
Thank you for your detailed response to my question. I
appreciate you including your blog postings, I really enjoyed reading them.
After reading your blog from 2017, I was inspired how you overcame your
unfortunate dismal from the company you were working at from 1979–2007. I am
glad that the “last pieces fell into place” for you, and you were able to
continue your journey in CS as an official graduate student at BSU. I
understand why it must’ve been difficult learning new languages after working
in the industry for nearly thirty years and how you felt conflicted to teach
your students since the weight of not knowing if you were “qualified” enough
was haunting you at the time. After reading this, I realized this was your
version of hitting a “roadblock” along with experiencing a case of the imposter
phenomenon.
Your experience is similar to how I feel at times; unsure about my
skills and not fully knowing if I’ll be able to achieve a certain project. Despite
your “roadblock” and uncertainty, you continued forward on your journey and
achieved many things thus far, such as: presenting papers, publishing in
journals and books, along with helping all of your students, myself included,
at BSU since 2010. From your second blog from 2022, it was interesting reading about
your journey from high school to Manchester University, to graduate school, and
to eventually your current position–a senior professor at BSU.
Reflecting on my initial “roadblock” question after reading
about your experiences, I know now that there is no easy road to take when
confronted with an obstacle–there is no clear left/right path. There is,
however, an upward path to overcome that brick wall and simply climb over it.
Of course, this is easier said than done, but after reading about your journey
it is possible with discipline, perseverance, and determination. The next time
I hit a “roadblock,” I will reach towards that upward path and climb over the
brick wall to search for the silver lining–just as you have.
I want to thank
you for your encouraging words; I do want to grow, and I will continue to have
this mindset that doubting myself will allow me to prosper as an individual and
a CS student by reflecting on my past experiences and accomplishments.
Your reflection and response
Now it's your turn to reflect.
What would have been your response to the learner's question?
What insights or advice would you have offered different from what I provided?
How have you navigated roadblocks in your life?
Have they taken you in directions you did not expect?
I look forward to receiving your responses in the comments.
The following is the text of the commencement address I delivered on July 22, 2023, at the 196th Ball State University Commencement.
Find your calling, or at least, let it find you
Thank you, President Mearns. It is a bit intimidating for me to stand before you this morning and have all of you—well, some of you—listening to what I have to say. I’m accustomed to being in a classroom where I have 20 to 30 learners, not an arena full of university trustees, President, Provost, college deans, faculty, graduates, and their family and friends. And even in the classroom, I seldom lecture, preferring to use flipped learning and lead discussions. Nonetheless, I am humbled to be here this morning.
So, having no idea what I should talk about, I turned to the Internet. I asked Twitter for wrong answers only, what I should talk about. My two favorites were these:
“Go make lots of money and donate to the university. You owe us for your success.”
And the other one, which perhaps will come true. We’ll see.
“Graduation speeches are given because of the belief that students must be properly sedated before being sent on their way.”
You can let me know how I did at the end. Neither one of those seemed like good paths to follow. So instead, I have two stories to tell you this morning. To start, I’ll read the first few lines of a story written by Theodor Seuss Geisel, more commonly known as Dr. Seuss. These words come from his book titled “Oh, the places you’ll go!”
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go.
You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
His story then goes on to describe times when things don’t go the way you expect or want. It is during those times you need to push forward and believe in yourself. Here’s another story of an individual that fits well with Dr. Suess’ story and has Ball State connections.
Once upon a time in 1957—way back last century!, a child was born in Muncie and was raised by a loving family that had enough money to live, but not any extra. Both of his parents were first-generation college students, who graduated from Ball State. After graduation, his father worked for the Boy Scouts, and his mother initially worked in clerical accounting roles, and later, spent six years attending seminary part time, while she continued to work. She’s served in a various ministerial roles since.
While he was in first grade, the family moved to Kokomo, and three years later, moved to the western suburbs of Chicago. He graduated from high school in 1975, taking the usual compliment of academic courses and played clarinet in the band. One course worth mentioning here: Computer Programming.
He attended Manchester University in North Manchester, Indiana (at that time it was Manchester College) with no major in mind, but ultimately chose Social Work, after a few semesters. Because he enjoyed it in high school, he kept taking the occasional computer class to fill out his course schedule. He graduated in the spring of 1979 with a bachelor’s degree in social work, and an associate’s degree in computer applications.
Soon after graduation, the opportunity presented itself to interview for a computer programming position, and he started his first professional job on July 1, back here in Muncie. While working, he experienced transitions from punched cards, to computer terminals, to PCs, to networks, and ultimately, the web. He enjoyed his employment with that company for 28 years, starting as a computer programmer, and leaving as the Information Services Manager. However, his departure was not voluntary, but rather was due to his position being abruptly and unexpectedly eliminated in October 2007.
Storm clouds often arrive and darken the landscape. Some pass through quickly, while others seem to linger forever. Rather than focusing on the darkness, the old adage goes, you should look for the silver lining. After a few months of job and soul searching, he decided to go back to school. In January 2008, he started work on a Computer Science master’s degree—at the age of 50!
God was watching over him, as within a week's time, he applied to graduate school, was admitted, and was offered a graduate assistantship that provided tuition remission and a modest stipend—both of which were direly needed. He was definitely the oldest learner in his classes, and often, older than his professors. He hoped to make himself more employable and find a job after graduation.
Having worked in industry for nearly three decades meant that, although he had continued to learn, the current state of computer science had moved quicker than he had. He discovered that they were using computer programming languages that didn't even exist when he graduated in 1979.
Midway through his graduate coursework, he came to realize that he enjoyed teaching. Some of his professors noticed that. As he was completing his master’s degree in the spring of 2010, the opportunity to interview for a full-time college teaching position presented itself. Despite his enjoyment of working in industry, he found teaching even more enjoyable.
Oh, the places he’d go! Because of his new path, he has traveled to Denmark, England, Ireland, Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and a variety of US cities. He has presented papers internationally and locally. He has published in journals and books.
But one of the biggest journeys on which he embarked, and the one which has brought him the most joy and fulfilment, is having the privilege of helping thousands of learners further their knowledge and understanding of computer science, themselves, and the world.
I think he found the silver lining.
He has not been on this journey alone, however. He had the support of family and other faculty. He constantly availed himself of new learning opportunities, whether that was formal training, or simple conversations. He learned along the way to carefully choose what you do and who you do it with. You’ll never do much better than those around you. He thinks it’s better to be a humble second fiddle player, because that means you have something to strive for and pushes you to be better.
He also learned to carefully choose his words. As a result of a sarcastic social media post he made on January 1, 2022, about having walked every day that year, he has, in fact, walked at least 20 minutes—usually much more—every day since. Yesterday was day number 567 in a row, and he’s walked over 3400 miles in that time. That’s roughly equivalent to walking from Miami, Florida to Seattle, Washington. Repeatedly doing something turned into a habit.
Due to the efforts of many very supportive people with whom he worked, he has been nominated for and received a variety of awards and recognitions over the years, one recent being the Ball State University Outstanding Faculty Award. What he did not know, until after receiving the award last fall, was that the recipient of that award is traditionally the speaker at the next summer commencement.
Yes, this story has been about me, in case it was not obvious. You’ve been listening to me tell stories for the last few minutes because others believed in me and supported me. I firmly believe there are many other professors who are just as deserving, and perhaps more so than I, they just need to be nominated.
OK students, if you’ve not been taking notes, now’s the time to get out the pencil and paper. Here are the six take-aways from my story:
Look for the silver linings and be ready to act.
Be willing to change course if your current circumstances are not fulfilling. You’ll never see new landscapes if you travel the same road all the time.
Be present and attentive, and things tend to work out. Be someone you are not, and you’ll miss out on the full expression of yourself.
Be supportive of those around you.
Find your calling, or at least, let it find you. Become good at it.
Be humble.
And now, I’ll close with the end of Dr. Seuss’ story that I opened with.
You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So... get on your way!
And, with apologies to Dr. Seuss, I add a few lines of my own:
Set a course for yourself on old and new roads,
And life will take you to places untold.
Watch for the linings of silver in clouds,
And opportunities don’t miss because you’re too proud.
And never forget to be dexterous and clever
Because Cardinals Fly in every endeavor.
Be humble and supportive of those around you,
And find your calling—or at least, let it find you!
Cardinals, it is time to fly!
Video of my address
If you'd like to watch a video of my address, here you go!
Last August, I participated in our Freshmen Convocation, the university’s official first academic event for new first-year students at Ball State University. During the event, our President and Provost formally welcome the first-year students to campus and speak about the exciting year ahead. This being an academic event, faculty participate in this event--dressed in our academic regalia--by processing in and sitting on the stage during the event. There is also usually a guest speaker--an alumnus or faculty member--who is asked to deliver some inspiring words of wisdom. Last fall, that speaker was Maura Jasper, Associate Professor of Art, from the BSU School of Art.
Maura claimed that weird is good! Initially, that seemed like strange advice to give to a room full of first-year students who are likely trying to figure out how to fit in with everyone else. Yet, she was emphatic that weird is good.
Let's explore this a bit. Merriam-Webster offers this definition of "weird".
Thus, perhaps she was stating that strange or extraordinary is favorable. I can live with this! Anyone who knows me would likely not be surprised that I'd agree that weird is good.
One of the many statements Maura made that day has stuck with me. She said,
"If we're not exploring weird stuff, we're not learning. We already know the normal stuff."
And one of my favorite musicians, Frank Zappa, seems to agree:
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