Reflecting on roadblocks

How do you overcome roadblocks?

During the middle of the courses I teach, I have an assignment wherein I ask the learners (via a few prompts) to reflect on how they are doing in the course, and to consider what they need to do to accomplish their goals for the course by the end of the semester. 

The last prompt I provide in this assignment asks the learner if they have any questions for me. Seldom do I receive any serious questions as a result of that prompt. When I do, they are usually fairly simple and straightforward to answer. 

However, occasionally I receive a question that causes me to reflect a bit before I am able to respond with (what I hope will be) a helpful answer. I received one of those questions last fall, and decided to provide it and my response here for others to reflect on it as well, in the hopes that someone else may find it helpful. What follows is a transcription of the email I sent to the learner, along with their response.

My email response

I really appreciate the thoughtful reflections you shared in your Mid-semester self-assessment report. At the end of it, you wrote:

 My only question is if there was at any point in your career where you felt like you've hit a roadblock in CS; and if so, how did you overcome it? After my first year as a CS student in college, I felt like I hit a roadblock after feeling so behind compared to everyone else and I struggled to overcome this. I understand CS is an ever changing field with platforms and new advancements always being added so it is important to always hone your skills while remaining proactive and positive. Regarding this, I know at some point again in my CS career as a student finishing my last two years in undergrad with a plan to attend grad school, I know I will eventually hit another roadblock to overcome some obstacle. I was wondering if you have any advice about overcoming these “roadblocks,” if you've hit one during or had a similar challenge throughout your CS career thus far?

To which I’ll respond with a resounding YES! I’ve hit roadblocks and experienced imposter phenomenon many times. 

 

Thinking back to when I was an undergrad learning CS is a few too many decades for me to precisely remember my experiences, but I’m sure I had roadblocks and doubted myself then. After graduating, I landed a job as a programmer for a company here in Muncie. I was with that company for nearly 30 years—until they didn't need me anymore. I’ve written about that experience in a blog post that you may enjoy reading. Here’s another blog post that tracks my journey from HS to now, as well. (I’ll not continue to link to other blog posts, but if you have time and interest, there may be others you’ll find interesting to read.)

 

For the last 17 years, I’ve either been in grad school (2.5 years) or teaching here at BSU. I certainly questioned myself as a 50 year old going back to college as a grad student. How was a 50-something going to keep up and be accepted by the other 20-something learners? But I persisted, and discovered it was very doable, and people were very welcoming. I’m now in my 15th year teaching full time at Ball State University. Especially during the first decade of teaching—but still now—I experienced doubts about being “qualified” to teach. Do I know enough? Am I providing the best learning environment for the learners? Am I being understanding of their needs and challenges?

 

These questions all led me to focus my research on education and learning, more so than on CS research. But even with better understanding of ways of teaching and learning, I continue to explore what I might be able to do to be a better teacher. Those thoughts of “am I enough” and “am I delivering enough” always haunt me.

 

I think, to a large extent, people who doubt themselves are the ones who take time to reflect on their lives and what they are accomplishing. People who have no doubts about themselves likely are not doing much (any?) reflection. I’ve found that growth mostly comes to those who are seeking growth—those who reflect on their current experience and consider how they’d like it to change.

 

So, I see the fact that you are doubting yourself as a good thing—you’re wanting to grow! Keep doing that.

 

I’ll be glad to talk more, if you’re ever interested in doing so. I also want to thank you for posing your questions. It’s forced me to take a step back and reflect a bit.

The learner's response

(Included with the learner's permission.)

Thank you for your detailed response to my question. I appreciate you including your blog postings, I really enjoyed reading them.

After reading your blog from 2017, I was inspired how you overcame your unfortunate dismal from the company you were working at from 1979–2007. I am glad that the “last pieces fell into place” for you, and you were able to continue your journey in CS as an official graduate student at BSU. I understand why it must’ve been difficult learning new languages after working in the industry for nearly thirty years and how you felt conflicted to teach your students since the weight of not knowing if you were “qualified” enough was haunting you at the time. After reading this, I realized this was your version of hitting a “roadblock” along with experiencing a case of the imposter phenomenon. 

Your experience is similar to how I feel at times; unsure about my skills and not fully knowing if I’ll be able to achieve a certain project. Despite your “roadblock” and uncertainty, you continued forward on your journey and achieved many things thus far, such as: presenting papers, publishing in journals and books, along with helping all of your students, myself included, at BSU since 2010. From your second blog from 2022, it was interesting reading about your journey from high school to Manchester University, to graduate school, and to eventually your current position–a senior professor at BSU.

Reflecting on my initial “roadblock” question after reading about your experiences, I know now that there is no easy road to take when confronted with an obstacle–there is no clear left/right path. There is, however, an upward path to overcome that brick wall and simply climb over it. Of course, this is easier said than done, but after reading about your journey it is possible with discipline, perseverance, and determination. The next time I hit a “roadblock,” I will reach towards that upward path and climb over the brick wall to search for the silver lining–just as you have.

I want to thank you for your encouraging words; I do want to grow, and I will continue to have this mindset that doubting myself will allow me to prosper as an individual and a CS student by reflecting on my past experiences and accomplishments.

Your reflection and response

Now it's your turn to reflect.

• What would have been your response to the learner's question?
• What insights or advice would you have offered different from what I provided?
• How have you navigated roadblocks in your life? 
• Have they taken you in directions you did not expect?

I look forward to receiving your responses in the comments.

Image credits: https://stock.adobe.com/

Of lemons and lemonade on Friday, the 13th of March, 2020

[I started writing this post on Friday, March 13, 2020. It took me more than a month to get back to finishing it.]

 

It's been a weird day. 

No, actually, it's been a weird week. 

I sat in my office until 8:00 tonight, not interested in going home, but not sure why I wanted to stay. I was busy doing something, but not really being productive at anything. I felt a bit numb, but wasn't sure why.

Eventually, I did go home and started reflecting on the events of the last week or so. Perhaps they would shed some light on the weirdness I was feeling.

😊😟😕😞 I had a workshop I was leading at SIGCSE Technical Symposium in Portland, OR during March 11-14. I had been looking forward to attending for months. But with the Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) Pandemic looming, there were questions if I should attend, or if the conference would actually be held. Ultimately, I decided I would attend the conference, and flew to Portland Tuesday evening, March 10, arriving late that evening. I attended two preconference workshops Wednesday afternoon and evening, one via the web. The opening keynote was scheduled for Thursday at 8:15 AM. I received an email at 7:14 AM stating the conference was cancelled due to the Oregon governor mandating late the evening before that all gatherings of more than 250 people were banned. I was up and dressed and ready to head to the conference, but now it was time to reschedule my flight home, pack, and get to the airport. I was successful, and arrived home in the wee hours of Friday morning.

😟😕😞 While I was in Portland, I received word that all classes at Ball State University were going to transition to online due to the Pandemic, effective Monday, March 16. My first reaction was that I had some work to do in the next couple of days to be ready for that when I returned home from the conference. I then realized that when I physically met with students prior to flying to SIGCSE was likely going to be the last time this semester. I was a bit sad at that prospect. But then when the conference was cancelled, and I was able to get a flight back, I was able to meet with three of my four classes on Friday, March 13. Life was a bit better.

😊 I wore my yellow smiley-face tie on Friday in an attempt to spread a bit of cheer to my self, if not others. As I was leaving my house, I happened to think about the making lemons into lemonade proverbial phrase. That prompted me to stop at the store on my way to campus and buy some lemonade mix and cookies to share with the classes I was meeting with that day. The picture above is a result of that. It was appreciated by the students and some staff as well. Even though there were a lot of students missing, it was good to meet with the ones who attended one last time in person.

😊 Good news also arrived while I was in Portland. I was notified that a three-year internal Provost Immersive Learning grant proposal I submitted was being funded. This grant will allow me to continue for another three years the CS4MS+ immersive learning project I started three years ago. It is working with local schools to help them incorporate more computer science and problem solving topics into their curriculum by working with schools administration, teachers, and their students.

😕 As of this Friday, March 13, there was little information about how long we would be conducting emergency remote learning. It was known that it would be for at least two weeks, but could well extend to the end of the semester. Uncertainty often leads to fear and frustration. I can't say I got to that point, but it would have been nice to know for sure what to expect. The situation simply did not allow for that level of knowledge, however.

😟 My wife had been out of town for two weeks, caring for her parents. Her father was having some medical issues that resulted in him being in the hospital for an extended stay. He was usually the one to watch after her mother, who has dementia. With her father in the hospital, my wife took on that role, while also attending to his needs. She hoped to be able to return home soon, but the exact date was uncertain.

😕 So there I sat in my campus office at the end of a long day that had seen me arrive home around 2:00 that morning, after eleven hours of travel. I slept a few hours, then got up in time to be on campus by 9:00 for a 90-minute Zoom meeting with colleagues. I had taught three face-to-face classes one last time that afternoon, sharing lemonade and cookies with the students who were able to be present. I had projects which badly needed evaluating. Not only did I have classes to prepare for the next week, but I needed to figure out how I was going to transition them to emergency remote learning, yet continue the learning process and keep the students engaged.

😕😟 And then the flood of questions started piling up. What tools was I going to use to transition the classes? Would I use asynchronous or synchronous learning, or some combination? How would I administer an exam which was usually administered on paper? Would the students have access to adequate internet bandwidth to participate? What other challenges might the students experience that could interfere with their learning? What could I do to keep them engaged? What could I do to help with their personal circumstances? When was my wife going to be able to return home? How, if at all, will I report on my vita the conference workshop that was accepted to be delivered, but was not delivered, due to the conference cancellation? Would my university reimburse me for expenses I incurred to attend a conference that basically did not happen? How long would we be doing emergency remote learning? Would we be back in the classroom by the end of the semester? Will the Pandemic spare my family and friends?

😕 And so, I sat in my office for five hours after I had met with my last class. Why did I stay? Why did I not go home? No one was expecting me to arrive at home at a particular time, since my wife was out of town. If I stayed in my office, I had the affordances of two large monitors to evaluate projects and prepare for classes the next week. I couldn't focus enough to do either task justice though. Nor was I excited about doing either task. Yet, I didn't want to leave my office. There was no one at home to interact with, so why not just stay in my office and try to get some work done? Was my office somehow comforting me? Was it providing a sense of normalcy amidst the weirdness I was experiencing? 

😕 I eventually convinced myself that 8:00 PM was late enough, and forced myself to head home. I changed my Facebook and Twitter cover photos to the picture on the left to remind me of the classroom in which I often teach. I also left the picture to the right on my office door.

😕😊 Upon arrival home, I ate a bit of supper, and started writing this post. I fell asleep part way through. The next morning provided the good news that my wife's father was doing well enough to care for himself and her mother, and that my wife would be home that afternoon. It was also a new day after a good night's sleep. Time to get busy on the tasks at hand. I had student projects to evaluate and classes to plan for Monday. It was time to get my desk set up for working from home. And my wife was coming home after two weeks' absence. This had to be a good day.

As evidenced by the variety of emoticons prefacing each paragraph above, there were a lot of emotions I experienced this week in March. Some were up, some were down, and some in some unknown direction. Life also became busy, and I never quite completed this post--until now.

So, how's your week been? Was your experience similar a month ago, or since?